Donn Koh - Product Designer, Entrepreneur
"One north star for us is that we want a relationship with each of our kids. Parenting is not just a training ground for them to be good, productive or 'successful'."
Tell us a little about yourself and what you do.
I'm a father to 4 kids and a product designer of all things physical and digital. People might know it when I say I invented the bend-and-snap mechanism of the Microsoft Arc Touch Mouse. I co-founded STUCK Design and teach design in NUS. Wrestling with this twin challenge allows me to bring real-world education to students and an exploratory spirit to our commercial work. Most recently, we've launched Peekabook (under a new brand - Matterkids) which is our attempt to reinvent children's educational books digitally. So I guess you could consider me a design entrepreneur, a product creator, and an educator of creativity.
How old are your kid(s)?
1, 3, 5, 7
Who is the primary caregiver in the household, and what are you and your partner’s parenting philosophy?
In our household, my wife Meihua holds the fort full time. One north star for us is that we want a relationship with each of our kids. Parenting is not just a training ground for them to be good, productive or 'successful'.
We try to mimic the love and discipline of God towards His people - as best as we can understand it. That entails an underlying, unconditional acceptance and love, and also firm boundaries that will not be crossed without a consequence. We try to express endearment in overflowing ways - it is sometimes lavish, sometimes simple. Discipline is predictable, measured, sure, and always redemptive. It is always done to love - instead of to punish.
But like most parents, these are aspirations - we fail and fall short from these ideals frequently.
What's your favourite moment in the day with your kid(s)?
Whenever they have the mood to open up their thoughts and hearts to me in conversation or questions. These can happen whenever - before they doze off in bed, in the car on the way to school, over breakfast, or a 1-1 date.
How do you keep yourself sane?
I drive or just sit alone in the car; I hide in the bathroom. But mostly, these are where I can simply be alone, and there's a chance to go to my God.
Best tech tip on parenting. This can be apps / hardware / gear you use, and how you use them.
With every tech thing, I ask myself if I'm training a zombie consumer and an entertainment junkie, or am I giving them the stimulus and active practice to be a curious, creative, and caring participant in our world.
Most helpful advice you've received as a parent.
Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.
What lessons do you not want your kid(s) to learn?
To suppress their own emotions and ignore others' feelings in blind pursuit of over-achievement.
To give their feelings free-reign, without restraint on how they affect others, or themselves.
To hold tightly what they have instead of releasing it generously.
To pursue status and being served, instead of serving.
To choose what feels right or nice, instead of what is true.
To be truthful without being kind.
To conform to and perpetuate established ways, instead of possibilities.
To break rules without regard and respect.
To see success in the way society tends to define it.
To live with no reference and submission to God.
What was the best lesson you learned from your child?
Take care of people's emotions first, before any reasoning - Still learning, sigh.
What is your proudest dad moment?
Every single time one of the kiddos chooses to sacrifice their preference and desire for others' needs.
If you could ask anyone, dead or alive, for their best parenting tip, who and what would that be?
Jesus. "How do I help my kids grow to really know you?"
How do you manage technology exposure for your child/children?
For now, they only get access to what we know about. We prioritise exposure that provides active participation and learning instead of mere consumption. They can spend more extended time with tech if it involves them solving puzzles, drawing from their own imagination, and even games. We prefer that it has a physical element to it where possible.
But we still do allow for some 'zombie-ing' in very controlled durations.
What hobbies do you and your children share?
Eating. Blue cheese. Doodling. Testing new product ideas together. Lego. Chickens. Guppies. Stupid pun jokes. Horribly-weird dancing.
Finally, your best dad joke!
What's the colour of the wind? The wind blue!