Tell us a little about yourself and what you do.
Hi, I'm CheeTung, and I'm a co-founder of EngageRocket. We are the fastest growing people analytics company in Southeast Asia, and help HR and business leaders to improve their organisational health and productivity. We've had the privilege of building a better workplace for more than 100,000 users around APAC and the world, including in companies like Starhub, Tokopedia, Love,Bonito, and others.
How old are your kid(s)?
My 2 girls are 9 and 7 this year, and my boy is 4. Yup, 3 kids!
Who is the primary caregiver in the household, and what are you and your partner’s parenting philosophy?
My wife and I share parenting responsibilities as we both work full time. Our philosophy is based on 3 tenets:
(a) Christian values & principles - we are Christians and therefore raise our kids in a Christian environment, and share our values with them that way. While we would love for them to eventually make the choice to become Christian as well when they grow up, we believe this is between them and God and we aren't going to force them into it.
(b) Nurturing and elevating their natural talents - everyone is born with a different set of strengths, even if our gene pools have some similarity. We see our job as parents as to be very sensitive to what each kid does best, and to find ways to nurture and encourage them to be excellent at what they are great at and love doing.
(c) Unconditional love & support - we believe emotional resilience is based on a foundation of knowing that whatever happens in life, you are enough and worthy of love. Building security as the kids grow by constantly affirming this in every aspect of their lives is part of what we try to do.
What's your favourite moment in the day with your kid(s)?
Right now, it is dinner and bedtime with all of them. It's the time of day that for an hour or so I can mentally put work aside, and be completely present with them.
How do you keep yourself sane?
I don't know that I do!! I try building morning routines and evening routines, and tweak them based on available time and season of the year (ie school days vs school holidays). These include a combination of Bible Study (Glorify is an amazing app!!), meditation (Calm), journaling (been bullet journaling for 2 years), and maintaining a steady cadence of reading (my goal is just 5 pages a day) and exercise (3x per week). Remembering that one of the most important things I can do for my family and team is self-care, so that I can be my best self at all times with them.
Best tech tip on parenting. This can be apps / hardware / gear you use, and how you use them.
Screen time monitoring tools on Apple devices and Chromebooks. Allows me to encourage familiarity & interest in tech, while making sure they remain masters of their screens rather than the other way around. I set a time limit for gaming / video streaming apps, and an overall time limit on screens per day: with slightly more time on weekends.
Most helpful advice you've received as a parent.
I'll paraphrase Steven Pinker's "The Blank Slate" - "It's not about you."
50% of the variation in kids behaviour is driven by genetic factors, 50% by the environmental factors (including friends, school, neighbourhood, etc). The biggest gift you can give your kids is already bundled into their genes. It's liberating to know that getting stressed out over how much you're doing as a parent for them (best tuition classes, tiger parenting, etc) has at best no effect, and at worst compromises your relationship with them. Helping them to navigate the world, with all its joys and disappointments, by sharing what little I know and leaving them to draw their own conclusions, is a principle I try to remember.
What lessons do you not want your kid(s) to learn?
That their happiness depends on external factors / others - more money, bigger house, more career success, more friends, you get the picture.
What was the best lesson you learned from your child?
Overall, that we're all just children no matter how old we are. We have the same desire for autonomy, friendship, community, and meaning that all our kids have. We go through the same emotional upheavals when we don't get our way, and settling playground politics only gets a little more sophisticated as you grow up. It's made me much more forgiving of everyone I deal with, including myself, knowing that we're all just like my kids, trying our best to figure out the world and find our place in it.
What is your proudest dad moment?
Most recently, for each of my kids:
the determination one showed in bouncing back after disappointing exam results
the care one showed in thinking about Christmas as a time for giving instead of spending money on presents
the eagerness one showed in mastering the alphabet and reading independently
If you could ask anyone, dead or alive, for their best parenting tip, who and what would that be?
I'd ask Bill Gates how he thought about things as he continued to send his daughter to school every day even at the heights of building the Microsoft empire, and how he maintains balance between work and his parental duties.
How do you manage technology exposure for your child/children. For eg, thoughts on screen time etc.
See response to #6
What hobbies do you and your children share?
Playing Roblox!
Finally, your best dad joke!
It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. You'd be making a faux pa.